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We've been friends with a woman, who has overcome many obstacles, her resilience is commendable. But, she has been repeatedly caught off guard by others. Her husband walked away, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her friends vanished then, because they seemed drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She made greater energy toward our bond, and must have grasped more clearly the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several close to her have disappeared and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, even though she was very skilled at her work, she departed without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each retired leading to more each other more, yet I realize the part I play between us is as the audience. I introduce subjects only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. I try to suggest factchecking and different perspectives.

She is organizing a trip to a nation I know well on several occasions and lived in previously. My intention was to provide insights, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially only wanted validation of her choices. I've just ended a month in that country and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want in this role that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she will ever understand the effect of her actions on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, but it is rarely the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of resolution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing how things go during your discussions. It should be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. Step two is to tell how this leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement on this point. What you feel are your feelings, after all. Step three is to ask ways you together going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. One effective method is to say her:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject all you say, since certain individuals have a deep-seated story: they maintain a story about themselves they cannot let go of since their identity relies on it and it represents they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may at first react this way then consider on your words. And even if you never reach a fix, it will give you satisfaction from having been honest with her.